overheard in various places around North America...
Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?
Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct -- Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I'm Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.
It's Branding – What Are Ya Gonna Do?
Hipster #2 gesturing to wreath on church door: Totally. Look, even the churches are advertising Christmas these days.
~Wegmans, Manalapan, New Jersey
Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is horrible!
Girl #1: See, those little reindeer, they didn't know any better, but Dancer was a grown-ass reindeer! He knew better than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin' his own kid not to play with Rudolph... That's some straight-up bullshit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph's nose red if both of his parents' noses were black?
Girl #2: 'Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y'know, Dancer was probably his mom's punk-ass baby-daddy. And you know what? Even Santa didn't know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell Santa, 'Oh, hell no!'
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: 'Santa better get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, after he be treatin' me like that! Oh, hell no!'
Ordinarily I'd Add My Own Cheer
Barista: Soy latte coming up.
Monotone man: Will you make it with holiday cheer?
Barista: Uh... Okay, sure.
Monotone man: I'm a little tired today.
--Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Is This Quote Culinary Erotica? Discuss.
Girl #2: Oh, man. It's totally carnal, the things I wanna do to that cookie dough. I want it on my face.
(five minutes later)
Girl #1: Okay, I want some cookie dough.
Girl #2: I thought you didn't want any!
Girl #1: You gave such a rave review of the cookie dough on your face that I entertained the possibility that I, too, might want it on my face.
–Boston, Massachusetts
and a sheep:
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