Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Pondering "being a grown-up"

(This post isn't prima facie "happy"-but it's glad and introspective:) I would love if you made it a discussion with me).

I wonder what it means to be a grown-up? I wonder what feelings I associate with the idea of "being a grown-up"?

I just filed my first American tax return. I had this moment, as I was moving around my kitchen putting away dishes, where I felt calm and ok...I thought, I have a kitchen, I have dishes, I have a home and a job, I can file taxes, I can do things right, and things are ok. I feel...safe and competent...to run my own life and not make a mess of it. (Wow-can I really do that?!) I think I always imagined that "adults" have these feelings. I think I'll decide that having this safe and confident place is part of what it means to "be a grown-up"-and try to cultivate it.

:)

9 comments:

Emberella Cat said...

According to Sometimes Why's Liebchen it's all about the pie.

Filly said...

Oh dear, I have no pie today...does a smoothie count? I have some in the fridge and I was just about to snack on it...

Emberella Cat said...

I was thinking about your grown-upness as I walked along the beach today by the beautiful still water in the rich blue of dusk. I thought that being independent and confident in my own competence are central to my ideas of who I am, and of being content in my own skin. I generate all sorts of unhealthy behaviors when those get shaken loose. So, I'm really not sure what it's like to be a grown-up (I haven't tried it yet), but I definitely think those are part of it.

Filly said...

I feel like I want to help cultivate those things you're talking about in the people I teach. It seems there's a fine balance to be made in challenging students and then also sending the message, "you can meet this challenge" or "you're competent"...And the really tough thing is that it's different for each person, that is, the balance of challenge and encouragement/recognition might need to be different for different individuals---

Filly said...

---Ans so I guess it sort of dawns on me that teachers are becoming "grown-ups" as they help their students to do the same thing? I always imagined that one I have the PhD I'd be somehow finished-I suppose that illusion is out the door!

Filly said...

By "Ans" I meant "And"-but I don't know how to edit after posting:)

Filly said...

Oh and by "one" I meant "once"-someone should show me the edit button:)

Emberella Cat said...

lol...
I think the key is to give good critical feedback for any work produced, but to rarely say anything more general, and then to give praise once in a blue moon.
At least, if I'm your student. For those kinds of teachers I'm inspired to jump through fire if they suggest it would be a good learning expirience; and I'm in heaven for a week when they say something nice.

Nanermellon said...

It's funny, I just had this conversation last night with the woman I'm billeting with..not so much the pondering of grown-up ness, but the important balance of challenge vs. accomplishment in the context of the program we run with the kids here. It's actually what I think life is all about...all comes back to balance for me. I think you work on becoming better all the time and that you keep learning all the time, but I'm not so sure what part of that is being grown up or growing up...guess we're always growing up, if you're any good at paying attention... Interesting conversation Filly, it'll keep me thinking. Missing you girls!