5 Quotes from Alex and the Ironic Gentleman

I like it's odd and rather tangled descriptions.

1. "You would have also noticed that the small man had a very pointy nose, greasy red hair that fell lank to his shoulders, and no eyebrows. Although you might not have noticed that he didn't have any eyebrows because this isn't the sort of thing one notices. You might have noticed that he looked Odd or Unsettling, without quite knowing why, as often we cannot place exactly the reason we don't like a person. And we think it is because of who they are and how they behave, when really it is all down to a lack of facial hair."

2. "Coffee-table books make whatever their content is infinitely attractive. This is because coffee-table books have glorious pictures in them with saturated colours. Often coffee-table books can make the dullest or most disgusting subjects seem romantic. Like mould. A coffee-table book about mould would have glorious pictures of emerald-green, glistening mould shining in the morning sun."

3. "Of course, Alex was short for ALexandra, but neither Alex nor her uncle liked that very much, so they shortened her name. They could have shortened it the other way, I suppose - Andra - but she and her uncle preferred Alex."

4. "Headmaster Doosy sat, dazed. When it seemed clear the gentleman would not be returning, he quickly turned to the school intercom and spoke. 'Good afternoon, this is your headmaster speaking.' His voice shook slightly.' All students with the last name beginning with 'S' will have detention for the next two weeks. Thank you.'
Headmaster Doosy sighed and leaned back in his seat. He was starting to feel magnificent and powerful again."

5. "The school Alex attended was called the Wigpowder-Steele Academy, and it was very prestigious. What made it so prestigious was the fact that it had the word "Academy" in the title and the fact that it was one of those schools you pay to go to. This ensured a Higher Quality of Education and, more importantly, a Higher Quality of Pupil, because if you spend all that money it means that your child is therefore really special. Of course 'special' doesn't always mean 'intelligent', and in this case, as Alex had most definitely concluded after careful research, 'special' seemed to mean, simply, 'rich.'"

The book is by Adrienne Kress.